Subtitles? on Top Gear? Am I asking too much?!

OK, here’s the thing: to my knowledge, the BBC is an extensive, if not 24-hour service. Between BBC1 and 2, and 3 and 4, and the news channel and the World one, it must put out hundreds of programmes a week.

I have but one request – that it successfully subtitles just seven hours of programmes. Seven hours!!!!!!

While I know that the Beeb has other companies helping it with its subtitles, ultimately, in my opinion, it is wholly responsible when things go wrong. And as I am paying a licence fee to watch it, and as we are in the 21st Century and things as simple as subtitles shouldn’t be going wrong, this makes me VERY mad.

So here we are – last night was the first in a new series of Top Gear (21 June). I must confess that since the iPlayer redemption, I have forgotten about the BBC’s rubbish subtitling of the last series of Top Gear, so when I settled down last night I wasn’t even contemplating that my viewing might be ruined by this.

Apparently, The Stig was going to be unmasked. Hmmmmm, did anyone fall for this?

And they had a race in the fastest motor things from 1946 – a Black Shadow bike, a pretty Jaguar and a stonking great steam train (which wasn’t the fastest train at the time but they used it anyway).

I became engrossed in the programme. I laughed, I giggled and I yelled, ‘Rubbish!!’ at the TV screen when The Stig allegedly came out as Michael Shoemaker.

And then, when there was just 15 precious minutes to go…

NOTHING

Not a subtitle in sight.

Then, I’d get the odd sporadic word. Then nothing again.

To make matters worse, I was missing the most exciting bit. It was the end of the race from London to Edinburgh. Jeremy Clarkson looked like a chimney sweep from stoking coal, Richard Hammond was quite possible infertile and had a posture resembling a scarecrow from bouncing along on his little Black Shadow, and James May was looking unphased and unruffled tootling along in his pretty Jag.

But I had absolutely no idea what was going on.

I asked Pa, but in all fairness, he was quite engrossed in actually watching Top Gear and had no wish to translate for me.

So I sat there, and missed most of the end of the first edition in the new series of my most favourite programme EVER made.

*sniff

I guess, on a plus, this season of Top Gear is seven episodes long – well, that’s what JC said yesterday – so that means that the BBC has six more attempts at providing decent subtitles for one hour on a Sunday night on BBC2.

And on another plus, if it continues to muck it up in this hugely annoying, rant-inducing fashion, at least I will have something to write about for the next six Mondays after this one.

But to be honest, I’d rather just have decent subtitles so I can follow JC’s inane but endearing ramblings, laugh at Mr May’s attempts to fight off being bullied by the other two, and marvel at how, when Hammond starts to whine, his voice actually disappears right out of my frequency.

Here’s hoping…

Here’s hoping.