Missing the bus subtitles

Regular readers will know that this week I have started a new job.

The location of the new office means that getting a bus to work is no longer viable, so I have been braving the tube, which is not the most fun, as it’s one of my least favourite things. In fact, it’s right up there with waxing and pins under toenails.

So anyway, as I said, I have been getting the tube, and the lack of seating on this, means that so far, I have been unable to write my blog en route, as I have had to stand up, balancing within the throng of people, trying desperately not to get my nose in someone’s armpit.

I think however, that as time passes I will pick up some very useful skills that tube creatures seem to have over bus creatures, and they are as follows:

The ability to completely ignore everyone around you, even when they need you to move out of the way.

The ability to read a broadsheet newspaper, standing up, while not holding on to anything and not end up with it going everywhere when you turn a page.

The ability to fit through gaps and in spaces in a positively stealth-like super-mouse manner.

An intricate knowledge of the best carriages, which ones are near which exit and which ones are less likely to be filled with tourists.

A unique expression that seems to be pulled at no one and with a complete lack of eye contact, when an unintelligible (to me) announcement comes over the tannoy while we are stuck in a tunnel,

And that’s just what I’ve learnt in the last two days of regular tube usage!

I will tell you something though, I miss the subtitles you get on the bus and I miss the view and the tranquility. Except when there’s a tube strike and the buses are invaded by tube peeps, it’s normally an oasis of calm compared to its train counterpart.

So far I have seen two subtitles on my tube, one tells me the next station – just in case I cannot read a map, and one tells me that the train is being held at a red signal. I have seen the latter just once, but been held for no apparent reasons, many, many times.

In an ideal world, everything would be subtitled on the tube, particularly as with the Olympics coming up as foreign people would find them useful, too.

So Boris, if you’re reading (Ha!) please sort it out soon. If I’m going to get the tube to work, I’d like to know what’s broken/made me late/caused us to stop suddenly/meant there’s 50,000 people trying to get on at the next platform*

*delete as applicable