My house is a deaf-safe fortress

So yesterday I picked up my new Wi-Safe alarm from my local Tesco store thanks to the Click and Collect service offered on the website.

It was the cheapest I could find online especially as I didn't have to pay a delivery charge.

On getting it home I duly opened it and inserted the battery. The red light flashed. So far, so good.

I tested it. Nothing else flashed in my flat. So far, not good.

Rummaging in my filing cabinet, I hunted for the original instructions to the Wi-safe flasher and vibrating pad the fireman had given me two years ago and eventually I located them.

And it was then I discovered I had to get the two talking to each other.

'You will need two people to configure your alarm and flashing light,' the instructions said.

'Oh well,' I thought, it's a challenge and began.

And actually it is possible to do it with one person, but I can recommend a step ladder and umbrella to make it easier when you're running at speed to test the alarm while the flashing thing is blinking a special sequence of lights...

Eventually though, after much running, umbrella thwacking and alarm beeping, I got it up and running. The strobes flash, the pads vibrate, my home is like a disco. A very bad, and slightly odd, disco.

Last night I slept like a log.

Alarm clock and fire alarm fixed, I was safe in the knowledge that I've done everything in my power to keep me alerted to things.

Coupled with the rubber mallet I 'store' under my bed, my house is a fortress. A strobe-lit flashing, vibrating fortress.

Marvellous.