Today I'm sad about my deafness

For the first time in ages, I feel sad about my deafness today.

I couldn't work out what it was at first and then I suddenly realised...

I feel like I'm missing out on stuff.

Today it's the office chit chat.

I wish I could hear it. I wish I could follow what was going on. The things that make people chuckle. But that aren't so funny when repeated the second time.

I wish my computer wasn't so big that I couldn't lipread Art Man opposite without stopping what I was doing and standing up or leaning to the left.

I wish I could hear. (and you know I almost NEVER wish that)

It's just so bloody frustrating sometimes.

Not being able to follow stuff, join in and be a part of what's going on.

And it's not like my lovely colleagues don't try to keep me up to speed. They do, they really do. They're amazing.

I know they'd be amazing if I told them what's up. But sometimes, I can't find the words. And it's so hard to try and join a conversation halfway through.

Then I remembered that's why I started this blog in the first place. To put the stuff I couldn't put into spoken words. To just say I was fed up.

And it works, because even just writing this blog has got me thinking about ways to help me hear better in the office. Ways to make it easier for both me and my lovely work mates.

So I'm taking the afternoon off – to eat tea with the lovely Writer and work out how I can invent a mirror system that enables me to lipread everyone around my desk.

It's totally going to work, right?